What is it about books?
They are all you have she said
And what of your precious looks?
What a dangerous layer of ice she treads
What is it about your mind?
There is something wrong with you she said
And if you were healed what might you find?
A life full of love to be lead
What if the two could just settle?
Like tea poured from a kettle
Calm before the storm
Of sweet sugar and tea…
I am here in Copenhagen once again. I love it. I really do. The start has been quite rocky, to say the least however. There are some odd points in my mind where I ask myself “why did I leave home?” and something like “jesus… what have you done?”, but then I talk to my friends and people I know and hear stories about how they are stuck in corporate American life working desk jobs and sulking day…
This house is still. The crisp green dollars float on the granite plateau. We have eaten here. Feasted here. The tips of my fingers type quietly, but they are as drums against the tone of the men speaking tones I cannot seem to understand on the television. Something surges inside of me- a passion, a sadness, or perhaps a great joy. It might be my spirit or something seeping through my pores…
My heart is the mirror in your bathroom
The one you look into each day
It gets you past the surface of things
Allowing my love to stay
The effervescent glass creates a great wall
Our love is the only truth that gets us through
Away from that surreality
That makes life so untrue.
My love is authentic
And your mirror is so clean
At least now anyway
The future is so unseen
I am afraid your eyes may wander
Away from my heart so pure
Right to another mirror
Another heart that has allure
But this is the only heart
That knows your eyes and iris color
One love, one gaze
Please tell me there is no other
My heart was the mirror in your bathroom
The one you looked into each day
It got you through to the truth of things
But it lead my soul astray
For as long as I can remember, I have learned about so many things. The most present and somehow absent lesson concerned love. It was present because everyone in every place, mind, and motion puts forth effort with love. Teachers, doctors, and even servers of food. It was absent because I beat love left and right with my mind. At one instance, you say “this is it… this is love, and what I have been waiting for”. However, one day you may turn around and say “no, that was not love”. It will not be what you have thought it was. All of these people, experiences, successes, and failures will show you one thing. They will show you what love is not. And somehow, at the end of the days, months, and years… you will wonder still what love is. I have heard some answers in my day: love is God, the touch of another, mother hugging their child, the random smiles on the street, the food in your fridge. Yes, that moldy sour cream that you’re able to put on your burrito at 12:00 am. That is love! And you scream “ah-hah! This is it!”. Then later when you’re in the restroom, you say… “no, it wasn’t”. Could it be that we have wasted all of this time contemplating what love is due to what love is not? Did we miss it in the shadows? Perhaps it has escaped us plainly in the light? So what is it?
Love will not be what you thought it was. It may be a storm prediction of clouds that had at once turned into sunlight. It may be the arrival of a new friend when waiting patiently for an old one. Love may be the moment you realize, “that right there… was not love”. Love may be the ultimate awakening inside you that says… “this is not what I wanted”. From the ashes of doubt, love may find growth inside of you as a thoughtless ocean. Love is without the confines of certainty. It is the fulfillment of everything you thought it would never be- that which was perfectly uncertain. To love at once is to be without a mind. For when you love, you love without knowing why, how, when, and where. Love has no answers to these questions because it is very certain what love is not, but uncertain as to what it is.
So when someone asks “why do you love me?” Perhaps the most honest and pure answer you may give them is “I do not know”.